Between Fences and Waves

I sit alone on a bench journaling everything I see:

A forest of trees stand behind the pool fence.

One stands alone.

Sheer silence engulfs the lonely tree. The sounds of nature— birds chirping, cars driving by, the sound of golf balls being hit on the nearby course fill its every thoughts. Sad and alone. By the looks of it, this tree is what they’d call emo— overly sensitive, emotional, full of angst, shyness, introversion.

I understand that tree better than anyone. Sometimes, it’s better to watch than to be apart of the action. Sometimes, it hurts to be quiet; to be misunderstood.

Next to the lonely tree is an empty tennis court.

Once used; now abandoned.

Neglected and alone, waiting for someone to fill the empty space. Uncertain of what’s to come. I, like the court, once had many visitors. Those visitors didn’t stay long. They were what we thought were friends, but we misjudged their intentions. The sounds of fun times and friendly competition are gone. Echoes of nothingness haunt the ears of the court. We are alone. We have no friends. We never will.

The fence around the courts acts like a barrier. It’s locked at at all times, afraid to let people in. People come to the gate— very few are allowed in. Once they come, they must not leave, but it is not always so. People come and people go. It’s walls; too high to climb. Just like it’s standards; it’s dreams— high; almost impossible to reach.

I understand those walls better than anyone. I understand those barriers better than anyone. Sometimes, it’s better to be in solitude. Sometimes, it hurts to be alone; to be overprotective.

A pool is a neighbor to the lonely tree and the secluded court.

The pool is the most loved attraction. Everybody loved the pool! He gives people everything they want and they love him.

I do not. He is too loud and full of people; full of frightening scenarios. What if they don’t like me? What if they think I’m weird? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I say too much? The thoughts never stop coming.

But when I am alone with him, he comforts me. The sound of the waves hitting the concrete comforts me. The sound of friend’s and families spending time with each other brightens my day. The joyful sound of laughter puts a smile on my face. When the heavens open, and sun hits my face, I smile because I know there is someone who understands me. Someone who doesn’t judge me. Someone who will never leave me.

I wish I wasn’t lonely like the tree. I wish I wasn’t secluded like the court. I wish my walls weren’t too high and my barriers too hard to break down. I wish I was more confident like the pool.

I am the way I am and I wish to change for no one.